Perfection Letter (vi)

Two of us were duly impressed when you applied that tourniquet and debunked the

pathetic fallacy but that does not change the fact –- your area does not suit our

needs: we already have a specialist in dead tongues and we find him, frankly, a little

macabre. Imagine the two of you at faculty meetings eating mutton or manna or

ludovisc, trading quips – ha! ha! – we don’t want that kind of exclusivity in this

apartment. We prefer to snub for personal reasons, and often ask candidates to

reveal something intimate, a terrible secret to be used only in emergencies: sordid is

best, an investigation where someone is called upon to be “good cop.” Did you know

that “thumbs up” in Roman times meant, “kill him”? How that became a symbol of

approbation is beyond us, and classicists are so damn unbearable, we refuse to eat

their crusts and curd. Take your papyrus and columns. Go sulk like Antigone before